Dr. Phil vs Dr. Whoa



Dr. Phil vs Dr. Whoa is the fifth installment of Rap Ranter. It's a review of Dr. Phil vs Dr. Whoa by Henry Breen. It was released on December 7th, 2015.

Intro
A lot of people may not remember this battle but when I've been suggested this, terrible memories have been coming back.

(Epic Rap Battles title card which is just a cut off of ERB's title card against a black background is shown.)

This was made under the title name "Epic Rap Battles." Can you get anymore of an unoriginal name than that? This battle is between Dr. Phil and Dr. Whoa from Team Fortress 2. You heard me right: The bowtie, an item from Team Fortress 2. The funny thing is, the creator of this battle, Henry Breen, thought Dr. Whoa was the name of the Medic. (A picture of Dr. Whoa's article from the TF2 Wiki with a picture of the Medic and the Spy in the infobox.) He went to the TF2 Wiki page and just saw the Medic on the picture and thought "Oh, so that's his name." Even if he used the Medic, the connection still wouldn't make a difference. Like, what other connection is there besides having doctor in the name? Anyway, let's not waste anymore time and let's take a look at Dr. Phil vs. Dr. Whoa.

The Battle
(The Epic Rap Battle title card is shown against a purple background.)

Announcer:
Epic Rap Battle!

B-Lo:
Can you get any less enthusiastic than that announcer? Nice stealing ERB's logo and just removing the "Of History" part. Totally original.

Announcer:
(Introducing Dr. Phil as Phil's title card and Phil is shown against a blue and light-blue striped background.) Doctor Phil!

B-Lo:
Oh my God, what is with the text and that background looks like you can use that as a screensaver. Look at Dr. Phil's costume: Where have we seen Dr. Phil wear a hat on his show? (A picture of JMB dressed as Dr. Phil is shown.) You think because Justin did it, you assume, "Oh wait, we need a hat" and for fuck's sake, put on shoes when you film stuff.

Announcer:
(Introducing Dr. Whoa as Whoa's title card and Dr. Whoa is shown against a plain maroon background.) VS...Dr. Whoa!

B-Lo:
God, can this announcer sound any more uninterested? How does this background relate to TF2 and what's he basing the costume off of? It sure as hell isn't close to the Medic. Hell, he isn't even wearing a bowtie so the Dr. Whoa isn't even in the video.

Announcer:
Begin!

Dr. Whoa:
(Rapping in a slow, generic German accent.) Hello doctor, welcome to my team fortress of soliTWOde!

B-Lo:
(Laughing) What?! I'm sorry, play that shit again. I don't think I heard that right.

Dr. Whoa:
Hello doctor, welcome to my team fortress of soliTWOde!

B-Lo:
What kind of voice is that? It's not even the Medic and knowing that he made this face just makes it more hilarious. Okay, so the first line: Why a Superman reference? You could have just said "Welcome to my fortress" but no, you added the team and even made a pun on two. Like... Why?!

Dr. Whoa:
Time to destroy this sad little, advice giving wüst!

B-Lo:
Why is he rapping like this? Saying these lines so slow. (Thumbnail of The Merchant vs The Happy Mask Salesman by Epic Rap Battle Parodies.) This isn't Happy Mask Salesman vs The Merchant, hell even that was better than this. At least he knew what wüst meant. For those who don't know, it's German for waste, so he gets a pass on that. (Picture of wüst definition is shown.)

Dr. Whoa:
You look like Hitler himself with that little catiplliar (caterpillar) on your lip!

B-Lo:
Okay, you think he'd speed up after the first two lines but no, he goes through the same pace. Does he assume that anyone with a mustache looks like Hitler?

(Cutaway to a gag between Dr. Whoa and his therapist, both voiced by B-Lo.)

Therapist: Okay, Dr. Whoa. I'm going to show you a bunch of pictures and you tell me who they are. Dr. Whoa: (Looking at a picture of Mario) Hitler! Dr. Whoa: (Looking at a picture of Rich Uncle Pennybags from Monopoly) Hitler! Dr. Whoa: (Looking at a picture of Charlie Chaplin) Hitler! Dr. Whoa: (Looking at a picture of Salvador Dali) Hitler! Dr. Whoa: (Looking at a picture of Hitler) Oh that's Albert Einstein.

Dr. Whoa:
You won't get out of this Sheißdreck (Scheißdreck) without getting medically fixed!

B-Lo:
(Picture of Sheißdreck definition is shown.) So apparently Scheißdreck means shit, like this battle and it's spelled wrong. What kind of diss is getting medically fixed? I don't see that threatening, honestly.

Dr. Phil:
(Rapping at a faster pace than Dr. Whoa) I think I smell a rat. Oh! No it's you!

B-Lo:
Wait, now he raps normally? Please tell me that wasn't his whole verse because if it was, that would just be one of the most stupidest verses I've ever seen.

Dr. Phil:
This rotten smelling, German speaking snake looking dude.

B-Lo:
Nice filler line and did you really have to fit the whole one line here? Like seriously, that's lazy.

Dr. Phil:
I'm better than Maury, Springer, FOX, 9 O'Clock News,

B-Lo:
(Sarcastically) Nice ERBP reference...and Homer Simpson close-up.

Dr. Phil:
And I don't take away 75 points when I get a bruise!

B-Lo:
I'm pretty sure no one else does in real life. This line makes no sense.

Dr. Whoa:
AHHH!!!

B-Lo:
Ahhh, rest in peace headphones.

Dr. Whoa:
Why'd you even think of going that far?

B-Lo:
Kind of a pussy to a weak ass rhyme.

Dr. Whoa:
Unlike you, my players don't spawn out in a police car!

B-Lo:
First off, where is Phil in that shot and second, how does that line make sense?

Dr. Phil:
At least I talk to my guests,

B-Lo:
What kind of second verse gets two lines? Who makes a 4-4-2-2 battle? That's shorter than Link vs Goku (Picture of Epic Fictional Rap Battles' Link vs Goku battle is shown). I know I've made that comparison but seriously, who makes a battle that short?

Dr. Phil:
(Continuing previous line) You just shoot their heads off! And also they don't die and on your side, that's your fault!

Announcer:
Who won?

B-Lo:
What kind of finisher was that? It doesn't even make sense, I've heard better finishers from:

(Roald Dahl: Dog, I don't think your relevant anymore. From Roald Dahl vs L. Frank Baum by Epic Fanmade Rap Battles of History.) (Gustave Eiffel: All you built was a birthday present. From Gustave Eiffel vs Frederic Auguste Bartholdi by Epic Fanmade Rap Battles of History.)

This battle is illogically stupid. The editing is not amusing, the lyric layout is too short. I don't think there was any research on any of the characters which explains why he shortened it and hell, he thought Dr. Whoa was the Medic for God sake. This entire battle was idiotic. That's all I have to say, I'll see you all next time.