Herobrine vs Jason



Herobrine vs Jason is the very first official installment of Rap Ranter,it's a review on Jason Voorhees vs Herobrine by Epic YouTube Rap Battles. It was released on November 30, 2015.

B-Lo:
In many types of social media, a series can't be complete without one Halloween Special and today we're going to be talking about...(sigh)...Epic YouTube Rap Battles.

(The logo for said series is shown)

They only have six battles but this battle is one of the rushed Halloween specials that I have ever seen. Jason Voorhees, the slasher from Friday the 13th vs Herobrine, the Creepypasta from Minecraft. Now, for starters, a Creepypasta character? Like there isn't enough of those kinds of battles out there?

(The following is shown: the thumbnails to Slender Man vs Jeff the Killer and Eyeless Jack vs Laughing Jack by Epic Rap Battle Parodies, the thumbnail to Sonic.exe vs Tails Doll by Gaming All-Star Rap Battles, the logo of Epic Rap Battles of Creepypasta, and the thumbnail to Squidward's Suicide vs Dead Bart by Epic Rap Battles of Cartoons.)

And what kind of matchup is this? That's like putting Freddy Krueger against fucking... I don't know, BEN Drowned. And if you see a title like Epic YouTube Rap Battles, you'd expect to see something like YouTubers, you know, like PewDiePie, Smosh, and all that shit. So why this? If you ask me the series name is a bit misleading. So let's just see what this battle has to offer.

Announcer:
EPIC YOUTUBE RAP BATTLES!

B-Lo:
Well, right off the bat, the announcer is whispering, trying to give it an eerie feel, and the beat is just ass. And why does it sound so familiar?

(Footage from Ghostface vs Jason Voorhees by EFMRapBattles is shown, and it uses the same beat)

Announcer:
Herobrine!

B-Lo:
Oh god, Herobrine is edited like how Epic Rap Battles of Minecraft used to be edited.

(The thumbnail of Steve vs Herobrine from said series is shown)

I mean, I know it's hard making Minecraft animations, but seriously, this just looks awful. PNGs would at least be better than this shit.

Announcer:
Jasoooooooon!

B-Lo:
What's with the background? It's just two Minecraft torches pierced into a brick wall. Now let's discuss the costume. First off, Jason doesn't have hair, we already learned that shit...

(The thumbnail for Freddy vs Jason by Epic Rap Battle Parodies is shown)

...second, for the mask, you could easily buy it at any store having a Halloween sale. And you see one of the eyeholes that's fully black? That's because the mask has this fabric behind the eyeholes to make it look like your eyes can't be seen, but looking at this, it looks like one of them got torn off, so he looks like a pirate behind that mask. And look at this leather jacket. Is this Jason or The Fonz as a hockey goalie?

(A photoshopped picture is shown of The Fonz with a hockey mask over his face.)

Herobrine:
You know it's me, scary as hell

(When Herobrine says "scary as hell", his face covers the entire screen)

B-Lo:
Jeez, I tell you what, that was scary! Back the fuck up!

Herobrine:
I'll haunt your dreams, so it seems

I do what I please, you're about to get creamed!

B-Lo:
What's with these lyrics? There's no references to anything he's saying. He's just stating shit like, "Imma kill you", and "You can't run from me!" Who writes this shit?!

Herobrine:
I'm coming in, invading your date from within

People get a little scared on a day that barely ever happens

B-Lo:
So what you're telling me, people rarely get scared on Friday the 13th, a day that probably happens once a year. So let's say if you're rapping against Michael Myers, and you say that line. You're talking about Halloween, the day ALL about scaring the shit out of people.

Herobrine:
I'm gonna tear your house apart and let you run with a head start

B-Lo:
Jason doesn't have a house, he lives in Crystal Lake with a bunch of cabins, and he doesn't even sleep in those. And why would you let him have a head start? I guess it's stating the fact that Jason is slow and if you gave him a minute, he'd be, like, 5 feet away from you, but still, giving head starts while you're trying to kill someone is just...stupid.

Herobrine:
And let you take a part of a killing in the dark

Herobrine:
They say I don't exist cause they don't want you to believe

that I coexist and see everything that you see

(As Herobrine says that, his head starts flailing around)

B-Lo:
Jesus, I bet he would see everything, cause look at his fucking head! God, that would put a number on your neck!

Herobrine:
(His face covers the screen again)

And I insist, I hunt to kill

B-Lo:
BACK. UP.

The Fonz as a hockey goalie  Jason Voorhees:
I know I don't talk--

(the subtitles mistakingly say "but I insist")

B-Lo:
You probably couldn't understand what he said because of the subtitles, but he said "I know I don't talk"...EVEN THOUGH, in a rap battle, where you HAVE to speak...you just spoke.

Jason:
--but I have to tell you,

that your raps suck; I'll kick 'em out of the blue

B-Lo:
WHO WROTE THESE LYRICS?!

Jason:
Have you seen my movie? I've got so many sequels!

(When Jason says "I've got so many sequels," the word "sequels" is misspelled as "sequals".)

B-Lo:
Nice spelling there, kindergarten.

Jason:
Listen to your stupid innuendo

B-Lo:
What innuendo? I feel like these guys don't know what the definition is and just finding something to rhyme.

(For a second, a little piece of text appears that says "like profound")

Jason:
Graphics worse than my Nintendo!

(Jason holds out an NES cartridge, with Super Mario Bros. and Duck Hunt on the cover)

B-Lo:
Yes, the NES game of Friday the 13th was ass, but you don't diss yourself by saying your game sucks. In all honesty, Herobrine should have said it, since there was no references in his first verse. Oh yeah, and look at the cartridge. Mario Bros. and Duck Hunt? Nice job. Is he saying the games he played sucked? I can maybe understand Duck Hunt, but Mario Bros? Fuck you. Plus, there's an awkward pause for two seconds after he says it, like they WANT you to see the mistakes they're making.

Jason:
Been scaring people for years

8 year old boys find you? They cheer

B-Lo:
(disbelievingly) When 8 year olds see Herobrine, they cheer? What's wrong with that? Does cheering count as a term for bullying now? Look up the fucking definitions! I'm pretty sure every kindergartner should know what "cheer" means! Hell, I think when you're in the womb, you should know what that means. Because people cheer the moment you pop out of the vagina!

Jason:
When their 5 subscribers see them find Herobrine!

B-Lo:
Subscribers? I don't know what YouTube channel these guys are watching, but it probably sucks dick knowing they have 5 subs.

Jason:
You're not a true horror game, you're just a little stupid glitch

B-Lo:
Ohhhh, Jason just stated a FACT!

Jason:
When you crash people's games they scream--

B-Lo:
But I thought they cheered.

Jason:
(little kid's voice) SON OF A-

B-Lo:
The hell was that? Did Jason's balls just rise back up and got his little boy voice back? Did he not say "bitch" because his mommy was in the room? Even though Jason's mother is...dead...

(Jason flies off the screen)

And look at this transition! The beat stops and Jason just slides off the screen.

Herobrine:
(fast rap) You don't even know what you're talking about, when people get distraught over their hard work

(Might I mention, Herobrine's head is flailing around again)

B-Lo:
Jesus, look at Herobrine's head! If it hasn't snapped yet, then I'm impressed. You know, this fast rap is so off flow. That's what's making this battle scary. Let's break it down.

Herobrine:
(fast rap) You don't even know what you're talking about, when people get distraught over their hard work

B-Lo:
What people? What hard work? Are we talking about the people who made Minecraft or the people who made the Friday the 13th movie?

(Footage from a Game Grumps animated video) "I HAVE A LOT OF QUESTIONS!"

Herobrine:
People prove that I exist with every single detail

(In the subtitles, "prove" is misspelled as "proove")

B-Lo:
"Prove" has one "o".

Herobrine:
I'm the reason for 26 bucks at retail!

B-Lo:
What the fuck are you talking about? What has this price? The game? The mod? Explain!

Herobrine:
Notch knows I'm his brother

Luke Skywalker:
(footage from Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back is shown) That's impossible!

Herobrine:
And when you recover,

It's you next that I'll smother!

B-Lo:
So if you kill him and he gets back up, you'll kill him again. That sounds like fun? Okay, onto Jason's second--

Announcer:
Who won?

B-Lo:
Wait, it's over? Where the hell was Jason's second verse? Did he actually walk out? I'd probably walk out too if I had to face with this disgrace! You probably didn't even write the second verse 'cause they rushed it and they wanted it on Halloween! And look how that shit turned out! Who won? Who's next? Who cares? This battle was ASS! Yeah, someone sent this to their shitty email. So, if you wanna plan something on Halloween, plan it out like, 3 to 5 months early, tops, 'cause if you do it all in October, it'll be rushed, and will turn out like a shit you've been holding on all day, and right when you get to the bathroom door...(B-Lo makes raspberry sounds.) Just dookies everywhere and your pants dripping down your legs, making tiny little shit puddles. So, hope you enjoyed, and I'll probably do more reviews of shitty battles, so if you have one of mine, comment down below and I'll see you next time.

Original video
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BYmDJJbvtrE